Warning: boring post for journal purposes
Since the last couple days have been filled with
uncomfort and contractions, I felt like I should write down some of my feelings/memories of being pregnant, while I still am. I know if I don't, I will forget. I'm very good at
suppressing unwanted memories :)
I know pregnancy is a huge blessing. I'm grateful for each pregnancy and the blessing that has come from enduring the long nine months. Sometimes that thought was my only comfort during the 3 and a half months of sickness. knowing that feeling sick meant a healthy baby inside. But honestly, I know that despite the blessing that it is, it is hard.
I don't enjoy being sick for 14 weeks. I really don't like being restricted in my physical activities! I'm not very good at slowing down and accepting others help. Which means pregnancy really isn't a glorious stage for me.
However, I honestly do appreciate the experience. It has broken me down, only to build me up stronger and make me appreciate more of life. It has made me grateful for a healthy body. For the ability to run, jump, roll-0
ver in bed :), and play with my kids.
This pregnancy has felt easier. Almost as easy as my first. I don't know if it's so I'll talk myself into doing it one more time. I have felt very blessed to feel healthy and have no complications. This pregnancy has gone faster I think for two reasons. Because I'm so busy taking care of kids and life, and because I was able to run/ workout the longest into this pregnancy than my others - giving me a stronger, abler, body to cope with life. I really didn't have any back or hip problems with them going out on me randomly when I walked, and my sleepless nights were shorter, less frequent, and tolerable.
I'm not sure how much of pregnancy I will miss. Yes, it's cool to feel her move inside me, to feel a foot, hand, or butt slide around under my skin. It's really
wierd, but cool. I love the excitement of what is coming to our family. The thought of a child that has chosen to come to our home.
That being said. I'm at the end. I'm uncomfortable. I can't completely recall what it's like to wear normal clothes, have a normal choice of fashion, or move freely. I'm an active person, and I look forward to being active again!
Truthfully I think I'm the most anxious about this baby. Not necessarily the delivery, although, not really looking forward to that pain/process. but the aftermath. I'm totally
intimidated by the thought of 4 kids. I feel like I'll be spread too thin to really give what each child needs from me. I'm nervous how I'll handle the sleep
deprivation and groundhog day"
ness" of the first couple months of having a new baby. This is when I wish I was a calm, relaxed, nurturing, easy going parent. If only. So, if you don't hear from me in the next couple months, know that I'm just swimming and praying I don't sink.
This last week I really have had the impression of how "rich" my life feels.
Definitely not a financial rich, although I've been given plenty there. But a richness that comes from having an amazing husband and kids. My life feels so complete with them. They are my life. So, I guess, motherhood is a hike and this week I stopped for a quick intake of the gorgeous views. What a
rollercoster! And there you have it, my very brief random thoughts right now on pregnancy.