Not all Roses

I'm writing this post so years down the road when my kids are reading it they will realize life wasn't all play.  There are hard times as a mom.  frequently.  And times (like these) when I feel like I have completely lost my mind and all logical thinking process.

It's been almost two weeks since Whitney and Travis started soccer.....well, when they should've started soccer.  let me explain.  It was tuesday, Travis' first day of kindergarten.  I was also in charge of YM/YW and had some errands to run on top of it all.  The day went so smoothly.  Travis had fun at school.  Aaron came home early so I was able to sneak up to the church to quickly set up for YM/YW activity.  This would allow me to see more of Whitney's game before I had to leave for YW.   I came home, made dinner as fast as I could while helping Whitney get her homework done.  We finished dinner just in time to get ready for soccer and ship whitney to piano. 

whitney and travis' games were at the same time so Aaron was taking Travis and the kids while I took whitney to her game and rushed to YW.  What a great mom I was....everything was crazy.....yet working.  Travis and the crew took off and I took Whitney to her game right after piano.  We biked to the field....walked closer....and that's when I started to get confused.  You see, other people on her team were already playing.  How did that happen?

And then it hit me.  The game wasn't at 6:15 like I had told myself.  It was at 5:30.  Knot in my stomach.  I explained to Whitney what happened, and although she was a little confused as to why she couldn't play we headed home.  She was a good sport about it.  She's old enough to know her mom is a bozo sometimes.

But poor Travis.  He'd been waiting for this day all summer.  He'd practiced, tried on his outfit, asked 50 times when it was time to go...and I had to call Aaron and explain what I'd done.  When they arrived home Travis was being tough until I apologized and gave him a hug.  We both sobbed and hugged for awhile.  I know, I know, it's just a soccer game.  They would have a lot more.  But I felt aweful.  I hit a new low.

I was quick to tears all night.  Motherhood seemed harder than what I was capable of handling.  I wasn't doing a good job.  I was in over my head.  At least that's how I felt.  Whitney and Travis were so cute to tell me as I tucked them in and apologized again not to worry about it.  But I did.

So the next day I went to therapy.  By therapy I mean running.  I ran 5 miles and was still a little teary so I ran 2 more.  That did it.  While running I gave myself a pep talk.  I was reminded that motherhood isn't easy, it's hard.  But pretty much everything in life that's really rewarding is hard work.  I would'nt trade my life for anything.  I love it.  It's amazingly great....really...it is!  The highs on the rollercoaster of motherhood are longer and better than the few quick dips.

So kids.  If you ever read this and are doubting yourself or your capabitlites, or life is just being plain out hard, know it will end.  Keep a positive attitude and life will get better real soon.  I make way to many mistakes, and luckily with time, those little mistakes aren't that big of a deal.  As long as you put the things that matter first.  And remember.  If I can do it.....it should be a piece of cake for you :)